January has always been known to be a little blue and miserable. After the festivities and endless indulgences of the previous month, it’s only normal to feel a little lost when the first month of the new year rolls around. December wasn’t exactly a jolly time for those close to me so I suppose the comedown from the festive period hasn’t been as noticeable as other years. Despite that, my January has still been rather gloomy – not the good Me & Orla’s hashtag #gloomandglow kind but more the sit-around-moping-feeling-sorry-for-myself kind. Assignments that were supposed to be done over Christmas took a backseat due to unforeseen events, resolutions and goals were nonexistent, and there was no sudden feeling of inspiration or that ‘I-can-achieve-anything’ state of mind that so many others seemed to have. It left me feeling very much like a failure.
One thing that has come out of this is the realisation that I can be a little unkind to myself. Three years ago, after a self-inflicted albeit traumatic event, I was all about self-care and being kind to my mind and body. I felt so at peace and full of self-love and compassion for myself. Now, I’ve slipped back into my old habits, questioning my self-worth and finding every opportunity to feel guilty about something, anything. Even while writing this blog post, a little voice in my head is slowly dragging me down, telling me I should be working on my assignments instead. Other times, it will be a constant inner nag that I’m not good enough: with my content, at uni, as a friend, creativity-wise and so on. Sometimes there’s no escape from this. Being overly self-critical, continuously comparing my journey to others’ and feeling guilty for everything has really not helped during the past few weeks. This kind of negative mindset can easily spiral out of control and I feel like it is finally time to try to put a stop to it. I have therefore decided to set myself a small goal for next month:
be kinder to myself
If it works, I will check in again in a month’s time to reflect on it, and I may turn this into a monthly series. I’ve needed something consistent for my blog and it seems like a nice way to both round off the month and create a meaning for the next one. Hopefully the rest of my monthly stories will not be as gloomy as January’s.
What would be a small goal to set yourself for the next month?